I Spent My Birthday Dropping a Sad Gay Love Bop
- Nico Yan Yez
- Jun 1
- 4 min read
2022 wasn't an easy year for me. It's one of those 'before-and-after' years. I made some irreversible decisions that I’ll carry for the rest of my life. Some of them were good. Some weren’t. But they all forged a new path I'd permanently walk.
Near the end of that year, I started scoring a short film called Ideal Husband — which I also co-wrote and co-starred in. Somewhere in that creative swirl, while tinkering with synths, I wrote a riff that stuck. It wasn’t musically brilliant. Honestly, it was one of the simplest hooks I’ve ever written. But paired with the right sounds, it made me feel — the way those epic '80s ballads or modern throwback tracks make you feel.
It’s hard to describe that feeling, even here. Some mix of nostalgia, regret, hope, and melancholy sexual energy.
I knew I wanted that riff to one day become a YAN YEZ song. And that's how futurehUSband was born.
Sometimes I really spill my guts in these little blogs. I don’t plan to totally do that here. But I’ll say this — today’s my birthday. And like many of my birthdays, I’m spending it mostly alone. Because frankly, despite so many close friendships, I am lonely. I have been for a long time.
Being a gay man shrinks your dating pool to about 3% of the population. Add in a daughter I co-parent, a band I lead, a full-time workload, and my admittedly difficult standards — and it gets hard to meet people, let alone the right person and find a relationship. I’ve been single for six years. And honestly, I’m self-conscious about that. It makes me feel sad. I question myself a lot over it.
In a way, I've entered a long-term relationship with my art. The romance I desire in that relationship is validation. That can be beautiful and toxic and fucked up.
The format of this song title, futurehUSband , isn’t accidental. It has duality. Do I desire love from one person? Or do I need it from all of you? Do I need to be somebody?
Maybe both.
But I’ve stopped pretending I’m guaranteed that kind of love in this lifetime. Another year wiser, I suppose.
futurehUSband is about chasing the idea of love. In a healthy way. In an unhealthy one. In a fucking human way. And at the end of the day, it settles not in heart - but in the head. Because that's who I am. Logical to a fault.
"Will I love you well?
Will you love me well?
Only time will tell."
Indeed.. only time will tell what love and life look like for someone like me. But today, on my birthday, I'm going to celebrate my small step forward in at least one of my pursuits for love.
futurehUSband and it's accompanying lyric video are out everywhere today! I already have the heads-up that it'll be added to a few playlists and featured in some blogs and played on some radio stations (I'll bleed that info out to you all as it comes). And I'm gonna take that and own it and be happy about it. Because even if it's still mostly "small time" stuff - it is something. A step in the right direction. A glimmer of hope. The exact kind of thing that futurehUSband explores.
One of the most exciting features for the new single is that it's been included in Indie 102.3's Local 303 Spotlight for June, amongst 5 other amazing local Colorado Queer artists. I've attached the link below for more information, but futurehUSband and our December '24 release figs will both be played daily on Indie 102.3 in Denver, online, and in other markets (under different dial numbers). It's my favorite local Denver station by far - so very excited and honored they've chosen us for this feature.
I'd be remised if I didn't mention everyone who made the song possible.
Calvin Cohee for his guitar work on the track and elevating the band so much in the last year since joining.
Kira Marie for her drum and xylophone work and for being my friend through so many years of evolution. We go way back - I wouldn't have it any other way.
Luke Story for his sultry and souring sax work. He's known as one of 'the best' around these parts for a reason. His saxophone performance is a pillar of the recording.
Hannah Vanhoff for helping me make the Lyric Video. Her eye for a powerful visual is incredibly valuable. And her kindness and creative flexibility was an incredible asset in the creation of this.
I'm proud of this song. It's its own thing, for better or worse. I hope it speaks to some of you in your own search for love. I'd consider it a birthday present if you checked out the song or video or both when you read this.
Talk soon, babes.
futurehUSband LINKS:
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